After my moms death in February, one of my friends offered to send me to a girls weekend with her. In light of my last post I said yes! So I went for the weekend to the beach.
Its amazing how God works to help through grief. Seven years ago my dad lost his battle with cancer and died at age 52. This was paralyzing to me and I felt like God left me and wasn’t listening any more.
As a child I grew up knowing God and believing that Jesus died for my sin on the cross and saved me from what I deserve, Which is eternal death and separation. He prepared a place for me and all who choose to trust in Him. This is a post about my personal journey through the grief I have experienced through my life . I know not all of you believe the same as me and I hope this doesn’t turn you away from reading this post. Jesus has been a very vital part in my life while healing from my grief as well as every other aspect of my life. He is the way I have personally healed as I walk through these valleys of death.
As I dealt with my dads death and the feelings that God abandoned me, the poem footprints in the sand played a vital part in my healing.
One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.
After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.
This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You’d walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”
He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you.”
When I was walking through one of the hardest times in my life God was carrying me. He never leaves me. Healing did come and is still coming. God held me, He didn’t and will never let me go.
After I received the call about my mom I was on the airplane flying home. I was very torn up, but I prayed that God’s strength would fill me and flow through me during that time and the times ahead. God sure has answered that prayer. I began reading through the psalms and writing down the verses which encouraged me. As I read I could feel the peace and power of God flowing through me. The pain was stifling and while this was and is another very hard thing to deal with, I received peace from God as I have walked through this great loss.
During my time at the beach we did things we’ve never done together. We have been friends for over fifteen years. We went to the beach and it turned cold. We were unable to bask in the sun like we had planned, which turned out to be a big blessing. As we shivered in our hoodies we took photos of birds and became “birdwatchers” for the weekend. This was something that brought back memories of both my mom and dad. They loved to watch the birds. My mom could find the name of any bird we found in her bird guide. While my dad loved identifying birds by their songs. While I didn’t plan this kind of weekend God knew exactly what I needed, memories and healing. We also went to an art gallery of a local artist. Each painting reminded me of my mom. I tried to imagine what she might have said about each one and which ones would have been her favorite. God brought the healing I was hoping for.
While reality has come again I know I can be one step closer to the place God is bringing me to through this time of grief and healing. God is good all the time.
Here are some photos from this weekend. ENJOY!!!
Signing off from one woman to another.
Jenny Ren