Category: Uncategorized

Life rarely goes as planned. Especially with little ones that you are trying to corral. Its like herding cats and then inevitable one of them has to pee when you are about to be where you need to go. That is what happened to me the other day. 

Friday my kids had off of school, so I planned a trip to our local science center. On Thursday I decided I would do our local grocery stores online shopping and pick up program.

Ladies if you have never tried this before it is amazing. You go to the stores website and add all the grocery items you need to your shopping cart. Then you set up a pick up time and pay with a credit card or debit card. Then you let them do the shopping for you. A-mazing!

So Friday morning comes and I knew it was going to be a long day. A was in a bad mood and that set me off and I wasn’t feeling like taking the high road. So when D (6) and C (4) were fighting even before we went to the science center I was afraid it would be a rough day. A was moving cattle to pasture and lets just say the cattle were not moving in a timely manner. W wanted to stay and go with grandpa in the big semi truck. So I said sure it would be fine if he wanted to wait until the cattle went out to the pasture. We would just leave from there. I wasn’t concerned for time because I set my pick up time pretty late in the afternoon and I also knew we couldn’t stay at the science center very long (I run out of stem and patience pretty quickly).

It was after 11 AM before we left. W didn’t even end  up coming with us because he said he NEVER gets to stay with daddy because he is in school now (We home schooled for 2 years). So off I went with the three little ones to the science center an hour away. Since it was close to lunch time we drove through and of course J didn’t want what she said she wanted. Whatever… She will eat something later (She does that, Tanks up at one meal and then doesn’t eat the next). I am sure along the way I gave some kind of speech about getting along with each other, blah blah blah is all the kids actually heard. C and D were fighting C moved to the front.

We made it to Starbucks, (I mean the science center) and off we went. I was able to enjoy watching the kids play (I had coffee in me 🙂 ) even though I was running around chasing J most of the time. (She is officially out of a stroller and life is interesting when we are out).

When we left I was tired out but I thought YES I already have my groceries ordered and someone else is doing my shopping (SCORE). All I have to do is drive up and call them! (SUPER MOM) So I did. I ordered from two different stores because some things I can’t get at the one. So we picked up the first load with no problem. Then we arrived at the second store. The problem with a large city is that there are often multiple stores of the same chain in that one city. So I drove around the parking lot looking for where the online order pick up is. I drove around for about 10 minutes until I decided to check the website and see which store I ordered from. Of course it was the wrong one and I had to drive to the other end of town. Off we went with a snack in our hands to the store where my order was waiting. (I was starting to loose it more).

We picked up the groceries with no problem. Now we were off to go back home. We were just out of the parking lot and at the stop light. Home Free!! Guess what I hear from the back? I have to pee really bad mommy (You know the interrogation process). OK, buddy exactly how bad do you have to go? (trying to avoid unbuckling and re buckling kids and going into the store). Like is it so bad you can’t hold it for an hour until we get home? (Mind you I had them all pee before we left the science center) oh man! So I turn to go back to the store and actually go in this time. My awesome plan of not getting out ruined. Two hours after my original pick up time and we are on our way home for real this time. Stopping at a pizza place to get take out for supper.

AHHHH!!!! Sometime life just doesn’t go as planned. I thought it would be so easy to do the online ordering thing. But actually I spent just as much time running around as I would have in the store. I suppose I would have been whined at for all sorts of things if I had taken them into the store for an entire shopping trip. The verdict for me isn’t in yet whether it was actually worth it. I think next time I might tag it on the end of a date night or girls day instead of with the children LOL.

So as we all progress in life it is always imperfect because we are all imperfect. I love this because it takes the pressure off to preform and be something I am not. It makes it so that any progress I make can be seen as a positive. Instead of not measuring up and meeting an unattainable standard.

Here are a few cute pictures of the kids playing at the science center. ENJOY!

Signing off from one woman to another.

Jenny Ren

 

I love being a mom most of the time. The little hands in everything. The helpers always putting there hands in whatever I am doing. But especially the kisses and love.  When my kids were really little the helping wasn’t so helpful. Now my boys pitch in and help mostly if there is some kind of reward in it for them in the end. Over spring break we were earning tickets for chores that they were doing. One evening D cleaned off the table after dinner, washed the dishes, cleaned the living room floor and vacuumed. He earned 3 tickets that night (Clearing the table is part of there daily chore).

Its hard sometimes to get these little ones to help out and work for me.  I have tried all the chores lists, trying to get my kids to help me especially when I was so tired with a new baby.  Some wise moms (each had 10 kids) told me a few years ago not to expect your kids to help out very much until they are at least 8. I think that was really good advice (it at least took the pressure off me). I used to kill myself trying to get my kids to do chores and just getting stressed at them. My oldest is 8 and he is just starting to really be able to do most of the chores I would want him to.  I normally have all my kids help with a few chores. They clean up toys and generally pick up the house. They each help set the table (Even J who is 2 1/2). They also clear their spot, saying thank you for the food, may I please be excused when they are finished. W has been mowing our lawn since last summer and D will start picking up the yard before he mows. Other than that I really don’t have a lot of expectations for my kids. They still give me trouble sometimes about picking up toys. I started setting a timer and that sure puts them in drive mode.

The other thing that is fun as a mom is sharing everything. The other day I made Breakfast for all of us. Eggs for A and J, oatmeal for C and I (The other two were at school already). We sat down and J started fussing when she saw my oatmeal (I asked if she wanted it when I started breakfast, She picked eggs). So I told her I would give her mine and she started eating. I said “Well I didn’t want that oatmeal anyway”. Sometimes its going to the bathroom. “I didn’t want privacy anyway”.  Sometimes its my paper I’m writing on or the thing I might be looking at. Being a mom NOTHING is yours. Not even your body. Since they entered your womb they have been reeking havoc on your body. Morning sickness, kicking your ribs, back pain, your body shape looks more like a duck than a woman. Afterwords you start wearing spit up as your perfume, you have permanent bags under your eyes and you don’t remember the last time you took a shower or brushed your teeth (I know people thats gross, but lets be real). Something else that is permanent is your coffee cup. It is permanently in your hand. You don’t feel human until you have your COFFEE!

Basically as a mom your life is not your own anymore. You sacrifice everything but the rewards are far greater. The rewards of their love that is unending even when you loose it on them. They bring so much joy to our lives in all there cute little things they do. Then when they grow older you start feeling proud of the people they become. They each have a unique personality and are fashioned in a different way and you love each of them. The other thing is the excitement you feel in seeing what the future holds for them. Will they be the Cowboy they are dreaming of being or the mechanic they are naturally bent towards?

Motherhood is also the toughest thing I have experienced. (Someone told my husband once, “Parenting isn’t for cowards). In giving up everything and making so many sacrifices it sure does bring out my selfishness. It brings me to my knees in prayer more often than not because I don’t know anything about what I am doing and He certainly does. I know the tears I have shed as a mom are many and really the journey is just beginning for me. I am sure I will shed many more tears. It is hard but you don’t have to do it alone. Comment here if you need some help or encouragement. I am no expert but I have struggled through many issues with my kids in all kinds of categories.

Signing off from one woman to another.

Jenny Ren

Subscribe below to receive my next blog article by email!

One of my favorite things is taking beautiful photos of the beautiful country God has placed around us. I love using my camera to capture these views. The Midwest is somewhere that isn’t easy to see the beauty right away. When I was in 8th grade we took a trip out west and drove through the flattest state in America  (or so I thought) and I swore I would never live there. 20 years later I love this land. Sometimes beauty is clear and sometimes it is not.

I grew up in the East. Trees everywhere. In the fall there were actually beautiful colors. We had mountains of snow, learned to go ice skating and skiing and we also got to ride with my dad in his plow truck.  In the summer, hot was like 90 degrees and Spring never actually started until May. All the farmers in the East said the corn should be knee high by the fourth of July. Out here in the Midwest if your corn is only knee high by the fourth of July your having a VERY bad crop and you had better think about another form of income. LOL

After I graduated high school I didn’t really have any plans. I worked for awhile and then decided to go to a camp that has an apprenticeship program for college students. I attended this camp for two years. Towards the end of my second year I was trying to figure out what to do next and the opportunity arrived for me to go to South Dakota for a year and be the head cook at a boarding school. So after I had a phone interview, I packed my bags  and  left for South Dakota. I had no idea where I was going or who I was working for but I had to solely trust God during this journey.

As I flew to Minneapolis and then got on the smallest commercial airplane I have ever flown in, I looked out the window as we were landing in the tiny town 1 hour from the school. All I saw was squares of land. I was really scared but also trusted this was what I was supposed to do. I thought to myself this is very flat. I totally didn’t even know the half of it. As we landed in the smallest commercial airport I’ve even been in I thought that this was going to be a fun adventure. It sure was! This opportunity prepared me for so much more in my life. There were bits of hilly areas in South Dakota that were beautiful. I began to appreciate the fields of sunflowers and the gorgeous sunsets.

It was this adventure that led me through my journey into the Midwest. During this year as the cook in this Christian Boarding school I learned about a small college in Wyoming. But is was another year before I decided to go to this college. Thankfully Gods plans are bigger than our own. He orchestrated my husband to be there the same year as me. 🙂 We met the first weekend we were there. One of the things we grew to love to do together was hiking in the canyons. Like South Dakota, Wyoming is flat but most of the time you look into the distance and see a huge bluff or rock formation on the horizon. This was breathtaking and I fell in love with the west and the plains even more. After a few months of being friends we began dating and got engaged in February of that year. We got married in July of the summer we had finished school.

When we were engaged I saw the area my husband lived and was too in love to realize this was the place we would live. We didn’t live in his home town the first year of marriage but we did end up moving here to the flint hills in Kansas. As I live here longer the land continues to grow on me. You can see for miles but I love that so much. You can see the entire sunset without the trees covering it up. God paints the sky in the Midwest almost every day for us to enjoy the site of it. The grass and prairie lands are so peaceful with the breeze blowing. My mom described it like this.  “Its almost like the ocean, you can see for miles and you can always see the horizon.” She said she loved the sound of the grass oscillating in the breeze. She loved the peacefulness it brought. I have also grown to love all these thing. Though in the summer I refer to the wind as a “blow dryer”. I do love the beautiful land God has given to us to enjoy.

A few years ago I saved enough money to buy a really nice camera. The main reason I purchased this was because I was tired of paying a lot of money for someone else to capture cute pictures of my family when I could do it myself just as good or better than someone I paid. I began taking photos of the landscapes and all kinds of things around this area. It has become something I love doing. The best part about having a love for photography is that your family is the perfect subjects to photograph. So now I want to share a handful of my favorite photos I have taken over the last few year.

I hope you enjoyed these photos as much as I enjoyed taking them.

Signing off from one woman to another

Jenny Ren

After my moms death in February, one of my friends offered to send me to a girls weekend with her. In light of my last post I said yes! So I went for the weekend to the beach.

Its amazing how God works to help through grief. Seven years ago my dad lost his battle with cancer and died at age 52. This was paralyzing to me and I felt like God left me and wasn’t listening any more.

As a child I grew up knowing God and believing that Jesus died for my sin on the cross and saved me from what I deserve, Which is eternal death and separation. He prepared a place for me and all who choose to trust in Him.  This is a post about my personal journey through the grief I have experienced through my life . I know not all of you believe the same as me and I hope this doesn’t turn you away from reading this post. Jesus has been a very vital part in my life while healing from my grief as well as every other aspect of my life.  He is the way I have personally healed as I walk through these valleys of death.

As I dealt with my dads death and the feelings that God abandoned me, the poem footprints in the sand played a vital part in my healing.

When I was walking through one of the hardest times in my life God was carrying me. He never leaves me. Healing did come and is still coming. God held me, He didn’t and will never let me go.

After I received the call about my mom I was on the airplane flying home. I was very torn up, but I prayed that God’s strength would fill me and flow through me during that time and the times ahead. God sure has answered that prayer. I began reading through the psalms and writing down the verses which encouraged me. As I read I could feel the peace and power of God flowing through me. The pain was stifling and while this was and is another very hard thing to deal with, I received peace from God as I have walked through this great loss.

During my time at the beach we did things we’ve never done together. We have been friends for over fifteen years. We went to the beach and it turned cold. We were unable to bask in the sun like we had planned, which turned out to be a big blessing. As we shivered in our hoodies we took photos of birds and became “birdwatchers” for the weekend. This was something that brought back memories of both my mom and dad. They loved to watch the birds. My mom could find the name of any bird we found in her bird guide. While my dad loved identifying birds by their songs. While I didn’t plan this kind of weekend God knew exactly what I needed, memories and healing. We also went to an art gallery of a local artist. Each painting reminded me of my mom. I tried to imagine what she might have said about each one and which ones would have been her favorite. God brought the healing I was hoping for.

While reality has come again I know I can be one step closer to the place God is bringing me to through this time of grief and healing. God is good all the time.

Here are some photos from this weekend. ENJOY!!!

Signing off from one woman to another.

Jenny Ren

Over the years I have not had much experience with art. In High school my art teachers criticized my work negatively and gave me bad grades. When I brought it home my mom would be surprised that I had such low self esteem about my work and told me she loved my color choices and how bright the colors were that I always went to.

As I have had children through the years I have realized the importance of having time to myself to regroup. I have been involved in different classes, bible studies, or have used shopping trips as a night away. As a mom we are constantly taking care of our children and husband and even sometimes a lot more than just that. We plan everyone’s activities and make sure everyone is where they need to be on top of keeping a clean house doing all the laundry and cooking healthy well balanced meals. We have huge expectations that we put on ourselves that we expect to live up to.

When thinking about a mom taking time away I always think of flying. When you arrive at your seat and the plane starts moving the flight attendant tells you how to put on your oxygen mask. But she says you must put on your own first and then assist other people around you. This is how I feel about a mom taking time away for herself. You must put on your oxygen mask first so that you can be filled up with “oxygen” for your family. I think so many moms are barely breathing because they have put these expectations on themselves that are unattainable. They go through life gasping for air and not even realizing. If they didn’t force themselves to “do it all” and actually took a break they would be able to breath. We as moms need to put on our own “oxygen” mask first to be able to be there for our family to better assist them. I often tell this to my friends who may be struggle through motherhood. If you don’t take time for yourself you can’t be the best mom you can be for your kids and also give to your husband. You will be running on empty.

My mom was always an amazing artist and the best encouragement for my art work I have had. She was an inspiration for me and many other people. Before she passed away I had the privilege of having her stay with us for two weeks. During this time we visited one of my friends who is also an artist. My mom taught us how to do the cutest little bird with watercolors (one of the hardest mediums). She made it look very easy and mine was less than adorable like hers. It looked more like my child did it. But my mom said it looked great.

After she returned home and before her death my friend and I decided we should take an art class because we both enjoyed our time with my mom so much. We were so inspired by her. I don’t think there was anyone who wasn’t inspired by my mom in some way. She was very encouraging. She would paint with all her grandchildren and just loved all there work giving them tips but never criticizing their work. She also inspired me not just to paint more but to be a better mom, to not take my kids weaknesses and strength for granted. She looked at the good in those around her especially the less fortunate. She was a very incredible woman, excepting of everyone yet living strong for God.

Over the last few months sometimes I thought oh I don’t have time for an art class maybe I shouldn’t take one. But my mom inspired me to take chances and do things that I am not the best at to practice and become better. As I went through my moms death I kept thinking about this art class I would be taking and I really began wanting to do it more to heal. So this class is in memory of my mom and to help me heal from her loss.

Tuesday we had our first class. Though I was nervous I was very excited. Abstract art is not my specialty though when I do something realist it looks like my child did it. So when the teacher said you need to think like a 4th grader during his demonstration I thought yep I can do that. So I splattered some bright colors on my canvas and had fun doing so. I like to try realistic stuff but man its hard and I wasn’t too bad making scribbles on the canvas haha.

During the class the teacher said our paintings looked prehistoric, like cavemen did them (I guess that is a compliment?). He then saw my painting and gave me some criticism and told me to make it a little different. When I had finished he said that if he put all the paintings up that mine would “get the blue ribbon” WHAT?!?!   (There were some very talented artists in that class, even some who had their work in the art center we were at.) Ok, if that wouldn’t make my mom smile at me from heaven I don’t know what would. The best part was I totally didn’t think I did very good at all.

Mom’s, if you have a chance to get away then do it. If you don’t have a chance make a chance. Find a friend who can take your kids or another lady. And do something you don’t think you would ever normally do. Take a chance and try new things. Also if it has been awhile since you have had a moms night out, plan one with your friends. It is so important for all moms and ladies to get out and have some girl time. Put on your own oxygen mask first momma so you can take care of your family!

Signing off from one woman to another

Jenny Ren

This is my first blog post! I am so excited to have you reading this. I am also excited to share with you all my future letters to you. I want to start out my blog by telling you about the night I tried to start my blog.

I was following along on a webinar on how to start a blog (how hard could it really be right?) I went to the site to buy my domain bluepress.com, It told me to enter in my blog name. So I tried the first one and went through the steps to make the payment. All the steps seemed pretty easy and the last thing I did was hit SUBMIT. No biggy right? I’m on my way! YES! But it came up on a page that said this name has been taken and someone else’s payment is processing. So I was like man someone took my name, that stinks. So I went back and chose another name and went through the process again. And the last page popped up and it said the same thing and I thought man that sticks what am I going to name my blog now? I also thought maybe there is a lot of activity because of the webinar I was using there were many people doing the same thing at the same time so I went back and did it again only to get the same page that someone else’s payment was being processed. Then it dawned on me IT WAS MY PAYMENT EACH TIME!!!! Oh no!!! I just payed this certain amount to start not one blog but 3 (Palm plant)!

Have you ever experienced “mom brain”? I sure have more times than not. I am always claiming “mom brain”. Maybe it’s a cop-out but hey it always is understood by other moms, especially. The time when your in the grocery store wandering around aimlessly only to realize a half hour has passed and you still haven’t gotten anything on your list. Maybe it is just your subconscious having a party because this time your husband took the kids so you could do the shopping alone. How about the other times when you have the kids and they are screaming down the aisle I want this I want that and you cave because your tired of being whined at for the hundredth time. Only to come home and realize you didn’t get anything off your list and EVERYTHING off your children’s list. (Yes they have a list too 1. Wear mom down to a breaking point, 2. Ask mom for everything unhealthy in the entire store. Check, check). Yes those times happen too. Is there ever a time I feel normal and not a perpetual fog on my brain? Well they have happened too. The time when my husband A and I went on an anniversary trip kid free! Yes THAT happened. The times I have such sweet moments with my kids. Yes the fog lifts once in awhile.

Here is a little about my family and my why I have started a blog.

Ten and a half years ago this journey of my marriage started. I married A whom I met in College.  About a year after we got married we moved to the country where A runs our cattle operation.  W was our first child, he is a born leader. Likes things done right and has a natural bent toward justice. His favorite things are playing with Legos, working with daddy, riding horse and riding around our land on the 4-wheeler. We then had our second son D. D loves being outside especially jumping on the trampoline. He is a natural mechanic. I had my stick blender break once and I give it to D and he fixed it. He is a little bit of a wild man and I have many stories to write about his adventures 🙂 Next We had yet another boy C. He is my sensitive guy. He loves snuggling and just sitting on the couch with me holding him. He loves any animal and even the wild farm cats break to him and start rubbing against him and purring. Two years later we had our daughter J. She is a free spirit and like things done her own way. She knows she is the princess and makes sure her brothers cave to her every whim. The other day W was riding her little 4-wheeler ride on toy and she hollered and hit him and he got off then she got on and hollered again and he began pushing her…Yikes! We sure have a strong will on our hands.

The reason I wanted to write a blog is for some real motherhood stories. Here is the dirty, nitty gritty hard stuff but also the joys that follow from getting into the hard stuff with your children and husband. It’s hard living with people and trying to get along with them all while teaching them to get along with each other. But I believe parents are in this together and we have to stick together to get through this tough thing we call parenting. I hope you will follow along on my journey and be encouraged as I share it. This blog is for anyone who is also making imperfect progress in life.

So back to the night I set up my blog…

After it dawned on me that I was the one making the payments for three blogs I called customer service immediately. The lady who answered was so understanding and helped me right away to get two of the blogs deleted and so Makingimperfectprogress was formed and here I am right now posting my first blog article.

Signing off from one woman to another.

Jenny Ren