Parents are everything. They have raised you and put into you their whole lives. They help you navigate through life when you feel stuck. They pick up and help you financially in a minute if you need it. Even when you don’t want it they help you.
When I was younger, like most kids, I didn’t appreciate my parents. I grew up with my mom and dad together until I was 8 then my mom and little sister moved to NY state and our lives seriously changed. My dad was no longer a main roll in my life. Before the split I remember him coming in the door to 4 little girls so excited to see him. He was very tall and seemed like a giant to little me. He would help us dunk basketballs and helped us ride our bikes. It was always such a joyous time with my dad around. I remember life being easy. We lived in the country in what we refer to as “the little house”. My dad built it himself from toe nailed boards (You take to small boards and nail them together to make a longer board). This house still stands today. He also built us a play house with a loft and all. I have tons of memories of playing house in our play house by the creek. We had hours of fun together in that little house.
When we moved to NY state we lived with a man who had more money than we ever knew. He provided for every need we had. He even gave us the love of a step dad. He provided a good life for us. I remember summers at the lake on our boat. We had lovely vacations and every need we had was met. My mom worked hard for us and gave us all we needed. In spite of my mom doing the best she could I still rebelled and disobeyed her rules. I made some terrible choices. My mom still loved me unconditionally no matter what I did wrong. She tried hard to give us everything and help us to live the right way.
When I was 16 we moved back to our home town and lived in our little house again. My mom still provided for us and worked hard. She no longer had a husband to provide for her and she did the best she could.
7 years ago I lost my dad to cancer. I lost a man that gave me advice. He was always there for me. He was a fixer of all things and if I called him with a problem in my house or a project I wanted to do he always had a way I could do it, patiently teaching me along the way (Mostly over the phone). When I lost him there was definitely a gap left open. But my mom still filled in the rest. I missed him terribly.
4 month ago when I lost my mom I felt like the world stopped. Though I got through the initial loss by reading scripture and staying busy there was a lot of pain. A few weeks ago around mothers day the extent of this loss suddenly hit me. I was no longer receiving the encouragement a mom gives you. Telling you the truth in love but also telling you how your doing a good job and she is proud of you. For some reason this loss is so staggering some days I don’t know how to function. I don’t have a daily encourager. I don’t have my best friend who knows without me telling them, She just knew. I never realized how much that encouragement drove me through life to do better and keep going.
While my husband tries its just not possible for him to meet that encouragement need that I have. My sister has been awesome telling me the truth when I need to hear it. But shes my sister also not meeting the encourager need. I also have some great friends and a sister in-law who love me but it is just not my mom.
So when the hurt is staggering and I don’t know what to do. I just embrace the pain and feel it hard. It will get easier to deal with the great grief I feel but it also take time and a lot of tears. Its OK for me to cry (man I sure have a lot more lately). Sometimes I just need my mom to tell me I am doing good at this hard life. That she is proud of me and that she loves me dearly.
I’ve decided to make sure I am this more for my kids. I try to tell them how much I love them each day and how proud I am of them even when they disappoint me. I want to be this encourage for my children because I know some moms are not that. And I would say if you still have your mom around call her up and thank her for being there for you and encouraging you. Because when she is gone you won’t know what to do and you will wish you had told her more.
Signing off from one woman to another.
Jenny Ren